Yesterday I sat in the doctor’s office and perused magazines. A women’s issue caught my eye. I won’t tell you the actual name. Let’s just call it the Miracle Magazine. The cover alone was packed with miraculous remedies. Here is a sample:
“Rinse away tiredness!”
“The candle scent that will make your hair 30% thicker!”
“Slimmer in seconds!”
“Clogged bile makes it impossible for 80% of women over forty to slim!”
I was hooked. I desperately wanted to read about clogged bile. As I flipped the pages, miracle after miracle appeared before my wondering eyes. Raw, chapped nose? Dab coconut oil in your nostrils. Dark, puffy eyes? Soak cotton balls in cold milk and place on eyelids. Eliminate stress on peanut butter smoothies!
So many remedies, so little time. Citrus prevents early wake-ups! Tart cherries tame pain! Jasmine rice eases anxiety!
So many promises, so little time. Keep garden aches from blooming! Morning sun nixes neck pain! Pilates cured my headaches!
Now the worst of all afflictions –chemicals in yoga pants cause fatigue! (I am not making this up!)
I could go on, but I have used up my quota of …. !!!!
Oh yes, you breathlessly await news about clogged bile ducts. Gastroenterologist Robynne Chutkan writes: “Bile helps with the digestion of fats by providing a detergent-like effect…helping fat globules dissolve.”
That’s the good news. Ready for the bad news? Seasonal bitter greens like arugula and dandelion greens get the bile flowing. Now that’s a bitter pill to swallow.
I closed the magazine and felt dizzy. Once again, the magazine beckoned. Perhaps there is a remedy for magazine-induced headaches. Just wait. I’ll get back to you on that later.